Look What You Made Me Do

Taylor Swift has done it again. That is, managed to write a song that I personally have had on repeat for the last 48 hours. It appears this time around, she didn't shake it off and that got me thinking. This song is dark and clearly a bit revengeful. Don't get me wrong, I love it, oh how I love it. BUT, it also made me reflect on what grudges I'm holding. I hate to admit it, but there is definitely a few. Then I thought, why? The past is in the past. What has happened to me, good or bad, is what got me here and right now my life is pretty good. So why hold on to a single grudge? If you're anything like me, thinking about how someone has wronged me in the past infuriates me. It's silly to let them have that power over me. I don't even communicate with these people anymore. To be short and sweet and get to the point, don't let the frustrating memories overtake you and steal your joy. There's NO point. It was a part of your journey. Focus on the here and now. When you say, look what you made me do, hopefully you're talking about how that person motivated you to do even better. Show them the incredible life you have worked hard for despite their wrong doing. Always remember, you can't fight fire with fire. Let go of those grudges because the only thing they're doing is clouding your happiness. Hopefully you're able to forgive and forget. This is your journey, take control and don't let that grudge bother you a second more.

Make It Comfortable

Recently, I've done a lot of moving.

I moved into a new apartment about a month ago and in the past week, I moved into my classroom. 

Both of these moves required hard work to create a space where I could live and work comfortably. 

On my first day at work, I walked into a room full of desks and bookshelves. It was a total mess. No teacher could happily teach in that mess, nor could any student learn. My new principal walked in and asked how I was feeling and all I could say was, overwhelmed. He told me to ensure I made the room mine by creating a space I am comfortable in. It has taken 3 days, but that is exactly what I did. He knew that if I was comfortable, my students would be comfortable. Sometimes making a space where we are comfortable is what makes us better. This isn't limited to decorating though. You see, in life, you have to do what makes you comfortable. Obviously, I don't mean go sit on the couch and watch tv all day because it's comfortable (nice try). What I mean is this, you have to do what is best for you. I once dropped everything and drove to Disney World on a Friday and came back on Sunday. Crazy, right? It was what I needed. I had so much going on. I didn't even tell anyone I was going because I knew if I did I would get negative responses in regards to how irresponsible it was of me to go out of town when so much was going on. Here's the thing, I went on that trip, I had the time of my life, and everything that was going on still worked out just fine. The only difference was that I did what was best for me instead of staying home and being miserable. It's okay to do what's best for you. Other people don't have to understand it. You only get one life. Don't be afraid to live it and don't be afraid of doing what's best for yourself.

The Dating Game

When you believe one way and act another, you'll find yourself in an awful mess.
I have always believed that love finds you and that looking for it is useless (you don't have to agree).
That is my personal belief, but for months after my breakup I was searching for what I had lost. Date after date, disappointment after disappointment. Twice, I managed to get myself hurt pretty badly. I saw only what I was looking for and latched on so quickly to the hope that maybe I had found what I had lost. That's not the way it works and I knew that! I just chose to ignore it. In reality, I should have been building myself up. Finding myself, focusing on my career, knowing that when I least expect it, love will find me. It may be in a month, a year, a decade, but hopefully not a century.

It took me a full 6 months to finally listen to what I've known all along is best for me. Right?! 6 months. But here's the thing, I am not upset with myself for those 6 months of dating and hoping to find my Prince Charming. I needed that distraction, it was a part of my journey to realizing I am strong on my own. Now I am free to focus on my career, my hobbies, my friends and family. Even though I am not looking for my prince, I have still had a few duds pop into my life by surprise, but that's part of it. I have learned to be hopeful but not let down.

You are strong on your own. One day, someone so perfect is going to show up in your life and surprise you with love. Now, I'm not saying go delete all those dating apps off your phone. It's totally possible to swipe right on your soulmate (I think?). All I'm saying is, don't be convinced you WILL find your soulmate that way. Take it easy and enjoy your life. This is your time, make the most of it. You can't do that if you're caught up in the dating game. Focus on the world around you, love will come. Be strong, be you, and don't let the dating game take control.

Back To Your Roots

I recently went back to work as a counselor for a week at YMCA Camp Hanes. It was hard, exhausting, and the best thing I've done this summer. Hanes is a very special place to me. I called it home for 15 months, working and living there and meeting some of the most incredible people. Camp Hanes played an instrumental role in me becoming a teacher. I started at Hanes in 2014 after working two summers at Camp Galilee in Missouri. I was challenged in so many ways at camp. I learned to embrace the differences of others, I learned I can do hard things, I learned I can truly be myself, and most importantly, I learned I was meant to be a teacher.

I try to go back to Camp Hanes at least once a year to volunteer because it is so important to me to remember what got me to where I am today. If a counselor does their job well, they're one of the hardest workers in any job field. What other job do you have 12+ kids under your supervision 24 hours a day? Being a counselor, age group leader, and outdoor educator taught me skills that gave me a leg up in the teaching realm and I hope I never forget that. My love for camp is so strong and going back to it reminds me that I am where I'm meant to be and that I need to be grateful for the opportunities and people that helped me get there.

Now, let's relate this to you. Whatever you're doing right now... you didn't always do it. Someone or something helped you get there. School, a parent, teacher, previous job, supervisor, etc. I am fortunate enough to be able to go back to the place and people that helped me get to where I am today. You may not have that option, but you can send a thank you or just take some time to reflect. Get back to your roots, smile, and be grateful.