Out: A Year of Being Me

One year ago, I published and shared a blog post that would forever change my life.
In this post, I shared my truth. I openly admitted to being gay. It was the scariest thing I have ever done. What if people hated me? What if everyone I loved slammed the door in my face? These questions haunted me, but what haunted me more was keeping my love a secret. I was tired of lying and hiding. Before publicly coming out, I told a few friends and family. Something that has eaten away at me in the past year is knowing that some people were offended that I didn't tell them personally and they had to find out via social media. To those individuals, let me say this: you can't imagine the courage it takes to utter the words I'm gay to someone you love so dearly. The fear of rejection in that moment is at an insurmountable high. I hope you understand why I chose to come out the way I did. I have also had some individuals ask me why I chose to come out publicly. The answer is simple, to help and inspire others that may be going through a similar situation. You'll be happy to know that my words have indeed encouraged at least one individual. I was fortunate to get a very positive and loving response. I'm sure not everyone is happy about my truth, but anyone who disagrees has been respectful and I appreciate that. Enough about all that, let's talk about the incredible year that resulted from me fearfully clicking "post."

After getting an overwhelmingly positive response, I felt happier than ever. I could share pictures of my boyfriend without writing a caption that led you to believe he was nothing more than my best friend. I could be me and not have to worry about trying to hide a huge piece of my life. I could talk about cute boys and romcoms with my friends. No longer did I have to deny who I truly was. When I met new people, I got to introduce my boyfriend without fear. I think you get the point, I was able to live freely and no longer care what people thought of me.

My life only got better from there. In the past year I have become a teacher, become a member of the Project Life Creative Team, made incredible new friends in Charlotte, Phoenix, and Orlando, been interviewed live on Facebook, connected with people all over the world via social media, traveled, had people reach out to me about how I have inspired them, and so much more. Coming out didn't stop my life, if anything, it sped it into motion. Coming out made me stronger, braver, and much more confident (shout out to my girl Demi Lovato). When new opportunities come my way I gladly accept them, when in the past, I would have shied away. I am proud of who I am and I am doing my best to use my God given talents to help others. I hope that's the person you see me as and don't get hung up on just one part of me. (Let's be honest... anyone who isn't happy about me coming out didn't read this far into this post) Anyways, thanks for reading, thanks for loving, and thanks for being a part of my journey. Here's to many more years of happiness and adventure.

Alone in New York

Okay, the title isn't completely true. I was staying with my friend, Ellise, and she was with me 2 of those 5 days. But the other 3 were totally me, alone, in New York City. And let me tell you: It was more than I ever dreamed it would be.

Being the introvert that I am, I was slightly nervous about traveling alone in the big city.
Would I get lost?
Could I figure out the subway?
Would someone try to steal my money?
All of these questions aside, I knew I had to face my anxiety. I did and it was one of the best choices I have ever made.

The first thing I decided was that I didn't want to be a tourist, well, I didn't want to look like a tourist. Ellise taught me all her tips and tricks. The best place to stand in the subway, to put your headphones in, and no matter what, do NOT stop in the middle of the sidewalk to gawk at the towering skyscrapers that surround you. My first day alone I was hesitant but by my second, I was full on New Yorker. I walked fast and with purpose, headphones in (Welcome to New York by Taylor Swift playing), jaywalking and all. Those people that stand on the streets handing pamphlets to tourist didn't even try to get my attention. I had done it. I was an honorary New Yorker.

Now, don't get me wrong, I still went to all the touristy places and took all the touristy pictures but since I was alone, I was able to spend as much or as little time as I wanted. I quickly found that there was so much more to New York than what you see on your first trip there. That city isn't as big and crazy as you think. For every busy tourist packed area, there are five more calm and beautiful areas to explore. I sought these places out. I walked along the water, I hiked all of Central Park. I found peace and quiet in a city known for its sleepless noisy nights. I was able to recollect myself after a long and strenuous school year.

I suppose my point here is this, if you have the chance to travel solo, DO IT. It allows you the freedom to do what you want to do. You're free to explore and enjoy in a way that is best for you. Solo travel can be anxiety inducing but here's the thing: No one cares that you're eating lunch alone. If you get lost, no one has to know but you. I faced that fear and it was one of my best life experiences yet. Go explore our world, you'll be happy you did.

Coffee With My Ex

(and why I'm okay with it)

Just last week I met up with Mike at Amelie's. 

When I told people I was doing this, I got all kinds of reactions. 

The most common response was - Why?!

To most people, it seemed impossible that we were going to spend time together as friends and nothing more. 

Believe it or not, that's exactly what we did. 

You see, Mike is a man who changed my life. He probably knows me better than I know myself.  God brought us together in his perfect timing. We experienced so much in life together. We were a part of each other's journey and what an honor that is. I have no intention of throwing those memories away.

Now hear me out, I understand not every story has a peaceful ending the way ours did, however, my challenge to you is this: Whatever your situation, try to look at it in a different light. Sometimes a new perspective is all we need to turn to the next page of our journey. 

It has taken time, but I have been able to turn my page. 

I now have a choice - I can burn those old pages or I can embrace them and remember that they made me who I am today. I choose the latter. Talking with Mike, catching up, and embracing our new friendship is what truly set me free. 

I have moved on from my past but that doesn't mean I have to leave it in the dark. It is a part of me. I will always care and love. That doesn't mean I haven't moved forward, it simply means I have embraced my past and and acknowledge my story as a whole, not just a chapter. 

Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.